Perhaps she starts by acknowledging that she has never had an easy time balancing responsiveness and independence.Her formative years were riddled with guilt.Only when she had proven her loyalty and devotion to her mother, who had selfishly held on to her, had she felt free to live her own life.She realizes she had not been able to contemplate that there might be a legitimate concern for the marriage in, for instance, her husband’s resistance to her attending law school.She could only understand it as a kind of selfishness from which she had eventually to escape.She now realizes that between her total surrender to accommodating her husband and her growing need to escape, there had been little room for real partnership.So, should she feel that the problem in the marriage was all her fault? No, that is not the game we are playing.Can she claim full responsibility for a breakdown in their partnership?Absolutely, as can he.What can these two do?Of course he loves me.I had her in a vise grip.My first step is to apologize and see if there is anything left to build.